Today, I am reminded that, truly, I am no better than anyone else. The idea that because I am apparently being “more Christ-like” in a given relationship, therefore I am better and God validates me more, is completely erroneous and deceitful pride. The more I live, the more I realize that being more spiritually mature is not about knowing more or being more powerful in God’s work. It’s actually about how quickly you can recognize sin working and then repent and forgive. That moment you give into the temptation to think that it is right to “be honest” and “stand up for yourself” and “give back what they deserve” and so speak out of rash emotion, you’ve actually failed. You’re not being strong, you’re being weak to your ego and human thinking. You’ve bought into the lie that the other is your enemy, not Satan. And you only hurt yourself, others and, most of all, God. He gave me his one and only Son and brutally slaughtered him upon a cross because I am that sinful. Period. It doesn’t matter what another has done, that cross is for my sin. How foolish to think that I could ever judge another as unforgivable when I have been forgiven the same sin? Before the cross, there is no better and worse. There is only God and sinners.

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God…”( Romans 6:23a).

I said some honest but harsh things to my husband today. He was being spiritually mature, apologizing and asking for forgiveness, but I chose to entertain my pride and stay angry. Furthermore, it felt justified in the moment. I wanted to prove my rightness. But it did nothing to help me be any more “right”. I only hurt him, myself, and God. Another thing I am learning is that repentance is first and foremost before God. I used to be really quick to say sorry just so that the other person would stop being mad at me. But that’s not what it’s about. The more important thing is to recognize my wrongdoing before the Holy God and seeking my pardon from him, regardless of the other person’s acceptance or rejection of my apology. So, this moment I confess sincerely before God that I have sinned in following, rather than killing, my pride. I repent for my judgmental and ungrateful heart towards my husband and towards God. I am weak to love another; indeed, I cannot. But because Christ Jesus forgave and loved a proud sinner like me, I can, and must. There is only hope, life, and freedom in repentance and forgiveness. May God have mercy on me to be a blessing, not a curse, to Joshua. I pray a prayer of protection over each of God’s children, that we may be quick to recognize sin and run to the cross. May the gospel of Jesus win over our sin each and every time, to the victory and glory of God. Amen.

“…and are justified freely by the redemption that came through Christ Jesus” (Romans 6:23b).