The bible says God is long-suffering. When you really love someone, you suffer because of them. Not because they intentionally inflict pain on you, but because you are so concerned with their well-being that you’re willing to endure the pain that comes with fighting their sin. The hardest part about loving someone is accepting the fact they probably don’t know or care how much you actually deeply love them. Perhaps they think you’re being too extreme or not minding your own business. And of course, the easier thing would be to just love them less, love them only until the point of discomfort. Such love is not confrontational. It does not fight with sin or risk misunderstanding. It’s pleasant and tolerant. But the scary truth is that however “pretty”, that’s not love at all.  

I think of the love God has for us. It’s jealous, it’s all-in, it’s unconditional. With that love, God pleads, waits, chastises. It endures rebellion, cursing, humiliation, all-out hatred, murder. There is nothing comfortable or beautiful about God’s love. It is an ugly, bloody, offensive love. In fact, it’s the cross. “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5: 8).When there was nothing to be gained but pain, even death, God loved me. Even as a I did not know how much he loved me nor cared, he loved me still. And even as I crucified his Only Son, he loved me. Why? Love has no reason, just as God has no reason to be. He just is. 

These days, I am experiencing, maybe for the first time, love that suffers. I think I’ve only ever loved myself. I worked hard and endured a lot because I loved myself. But now, there are people I am suffering for. Maybe it comes with being a parent. It’s not an obvious suffering, it’s an inner turmoil. It’s a suffering that I can’t voice or do anything about per se, just pray. I get up early to pray because I can’t sleep, I pray on my knees because I can’t go any lower than that, I pray day and night because these people I love are always in my mind and heart. I pray because I can’t do anything or say anything to change anyone – but God can. I pray with faith, hope, and love. It’s not much, but it’s a tiny piece of the suffering of Christ. It’s uncomfortable and I wish it away. But it can’t be helped. I love because he first loved me.

Do you suffer because you love someone? Go to your death. Satan only wins if we stop. Keep loving, keep praying, keep dying. And then die, so that that one might live. It’s as sure as Christ’s resurrection.

“Unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed, but if it dies, it produces many seeds.” John 12: 24