I remember a year ago being in the same place. Every day was a struggle. I was always cold, 1) because it was winter here in Brazil, but 2) because I couldn’t really eat. It was an accomplishment just to down a piece of toast or a cup of water. I think about the little victories and joys I had then. I thanked God to be able to sip, to walk a block, to eat a snack, to sit through a Portuguese lesson. I learned to humbly rely on God’s presence each day and to be content simply being his, and not in what I am able to do or produce.

Here a year later, my appetite is almost insatiable and I am able to care for a working husband and infant daughter, and my own health. Still, there are days I get frustrated because I can’t get through my checklist of things to get done  – cook, clean, grocery shop, pray, study the bible, go to campus, exercise. I complain thinking I can’t do such basic things because I have no more of my “own time”.  I also compare myself with similar-aged peers and friends who seem to be progressing, producing, becoming “somebodies”.

But today as I was wolfing down a piece of banana bread and a glass of almond milk, I became so convicted about the pride and unthankfulness that had crept up in me these past months. I have everything to be thankful for. (I mean, I can eat banana bread!) And yet how is it that I am less thankful (and joyful) now than 1 year ago? It’s no wonder God is hesitant to bless us sometimes. I’m so obsessed with production and validation that I miss out on what actually matters to God – to simply enjoy him for him. There, there is unconditional joy because nothing is  about my circumstance or what I am able to do or what other people are doing and everything is about the Lord and just contemplating how beautiful he is. Being still and knowing he is God.

With all the noise and the excess stripped away, I find my solace in Him and realize, he is all my heart seeks. I have him and He’s more than enough. All the complaints, the comparisons, the worry melt away and from my heart I can sincerely say, “Thank you, Jesus, for this yummy piece of banana bread.” :’)